Expecting
by Gwenhwyfar1984
Summary: One evening Castiel comes to the conclusion that he is truly happy. The result of that realization is something he never imagined.


Dreamwidth community 15 Woes #007: Loneliness

What If AU Challenge #28—Crack!Fic

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Castiel slowly walked through the empty halls of the bunker. He paused outside Sam Winchester's door and listened. There was nothing but the sound of deep sleep breathing. Down another hall he did the same in front of Dean's door. Again, just peaceful slumber.

He wasn't spying on his human friends. He was an angel and it was his job to look out for, and guard, the Winchesters. He knew that Dean didn't like it, felt that it was intrusive, but he couldn't help his nature. So he always made sure to do a patrol of the halls every few hours. In truth, there was no need. The Men of Letters bunker was one of the most secure places on the planet.

But again, he couldn't help it. Besides, it made him feel useful. Being cut off from Heaven, he didn't have his full powers. A few times Dean had made him feel bad about it, but lately things had changed. The brothers were making an effort to include him more. He was officially a Hunter in Training. Admittedly, he did still have a lot to learn about human culture and social interactions. But he was trying.

This evening he had accompanied the brothers to a bar and grill for a "Guy's Night Out." He hadn't embarrassed his human friends even once. After a few drinks and a triple bacon cheeseburger, Dean had even been in a good enough mood to try and teach Cas how to play pool. Or rather, Sam had explained the rules while Dean attempted to get Cas to make a bet. Cas hadn't won the game, of course, but he was definitely looking forward to trying again.

As he sat down in the library he felt a sense of deep contentment. No, that wasn't right. He felt...happy. Truly happy. Yes, he had lost his angel family, but he had found another. The Winchesters had let him in and made him a brother. They were different species, but deep down that didn't matter. They allowed him free will and the chance to be himself. He never feared being manipulated or having his mind surgically changed. There had been a lot of missteps and challenges, but now they had reached a point where everything was working out.

The world had also changed. There had not been any apocalypses or challenges to the safety of the world. Just normal monsters and demons.

Yes, existence was good.

Deep inside his vessel, inside his true self, he felt a splinter. Gasping, he monitored inside. His grace was fracturing and he didn't know why or how. He reached out in an attempt to stop it, but was pushed back. The tiny ball of grace was now completely isolated from him and it seemed to be...growing? Reaching out again, hesitantly, he felt—

No. It couldn't be.

He felt an angelic signature that was similar to his own, but different. He could sense an angel's true form starting to be created around the ball of grace. It answered his inquiry, but it was tiny and barely formed. Like when he had witnessed a human baby making attempts at speech.

A baby...

No. This couldn't be.

He actually shook his head as he tried to deny what had just happened.

But he couldn't.

He had just created a child.

The next morning Castiel entered the kitchen as soon as he heard the sounds of activity. He had spent the rest of the evening outside, staring up at the stars. For the first time in a while he wished he had another angel to speak to.

Sam was at the table drinking a mug of coffee, and Dean was at the stove frying up some eggs and bacon. Castiel frowned. He would probably have to repair some cholesterol damage in the eldest Winchester again soon.

"Morning," Dean called absently while Sam nodded at him.

"Good morning," he returned, sitting at the table nervously. Could they tell the difference in him?

Sam typed on his laptop and then leaned forward, intent on reading whatever he had just come across. Castiel knew that behavior. Sam had just identified a potential case.

Dean dished up his breakfast and sat down next to Sam. The odor of the eggs and bacon made Cas' stomach uncomfortable.

Sam continued to type furiously and finally spoke. "So, I did some digging, and get this..."

Castiel ignored Sam and tried to focus on not being ill. Was this normal? Angels usually didn't get sick. Of course, they usually didn't have offspring either.

"Cas? Hey, Cas?" Dean interrupted his concentration.

"Yes?" Cas asked. The brothers were staring at him.

"Vamps in Chicago. You ready?" Dean asked, eating the last slice of his bacon.

"I am afraid that I will be unable to accompany you," Cas said.

"Why?"

"I—" he began and then broke off. They were human. Would they understand what was going on with him? While Sam was usually interested in angel lore, Dean had little patience with it. "I'm sorry. It's not safe. Excuse me."

He left the kitchen and went into the bedroom that he sometimes used. It wasn't officially his room. He didn't have a room. But it was a place where he could relax.

A few minutes later the door opened and the brothers entered. He frowned in irritation.

"Is it not customary to knock first?" he asked.

"Knock? Okay, what's going on?" Dean demanded.

"You're not acting like yourself," Sam added in a milder tone.

"Yeah, since when are you afraid of vamps?"

"I am not afraid," he countered, insulted. He was a soldier. He didn't get scared of something like a vampire.

"Then why did you mention safety?" Dean asked.

"I...I cannot put my vessel in danger right now."

"Why not?"

"Did Jimmy return?" Sam asked.

"Of course not," Cas replied.

"Then what's the problem. You can do your whole mojo thing and repair any damage, right?" Dean asked.

"It's not just my life I have to worry about right now," he said, hoping they would just go away.

"Uh, if it's us—"

Feeling cornered and defeated, Castiel sat down on the bed. "I'm pregnant."

"What?" Dean asked.

"Wow." Sam said.

"Cas, that's ridiculous," Dean scoffed.

"It is the truth. Last night I conceived a new angel. It is growing in my vessel." He smiled at the next words. "My child."

"Wait. You once told me you had never...dabbled, with other angels. What changed?"

Cas' forehead winkled as he tried to figure out what Dean meant. Finally, he understood. "Other angels are my siblings, Dean. I would never have sexual relations with them."

"Then what the hell, man?"

"What Dean means is," Sam began, pulling the desk chair over and sitting in front of him, "why do you believe you are pregnant? How did this happen?"

"It had always been accepted that my Father was the only one able to create new angels. Yet...there had been a rumor whispered. If an angel was ever happy, truly happy, then it would be possible. Last night I was truly happy and...it happened."

"You knocked yourself up," Dean said. Castiel didn't like his tone.

"I conceived my child."

"Are you sure?" Sam asked. "If it just happened it might be too early—"

"I am sure. I can feel it," he replied firmly.

"That's just great," Dean said, backing towards the door. The look he was giving Castiel, plus his tone, indicated that Dean felt it was not great at all. "Real frikkin great."

Dean left and Sam stared at the door for a few moments.

"I do not understand. Are not children wonderful things to humans?" Cas asked, breaking the silence.

Sam sighed. "This is a big surprise is all. Look, Cas, the most important thing is whether or not you consider it a wonderful thing."

"I'll admit that I'm..." he looked down and away from Sam, ashamed. "I'm a little frightened."

"That's normal. Having a baby is a huge responsibility."

Cas nodded. "I am also happy though."

Sam stood and Cas looked up to see a smile on Sam's face. "Then I'll congratulate you."

"Thank you."

"Do you need anything? I don't really know what a pregnant angel needs..."

"I need to rest. Safety and resting are important, I think."

"All right. You can watch my tv and Netflix if you want."

"Thank you."

Sam nodded and left Cas alone. Half an hour later he heard the Winchesters leave on their hunt.

Castiel spent the next few days alone in the bunker. Neither of the Winchesters bothered to contact him, even for information. Judging by how long they had been gone, they must have found another hunt after the vampires. The loneliness began to get to him. Angels were social beings by nature.

Then one day he realized he wasn't alone. Not really. He monitored and saw that his child had grown tremendously. Tiny, fluffy wings had began to form. He reached out again and said hello.

And received a quiet, hesitant hello back.

Amazed, he began to talk to his child. He began with describing his life now. The bunker, the Winchesters. Then he talked about what it was like to be an angel. To fly, to observe humans. What Heaven was like. He left out the bad parts, of course. It was nice, and he never had the opportunity to speak in Enochian anymore.

He found that as he spoke, as he observed his child's growth, he felt a deep encompassing love that he had never felt before.

When the Winchesters finally returned, he was in the kitchen. He had developed an appetite over the last couple of days. He figured it was because his child was developing and growing grace. Still, it was strange to be eating.

"Really?" Dean asked as he saw the peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich Cas was eating.

"This is very tasty. Would you like me to make you one?" Cas asked.

"No," Dean replied and left the kitchen.

Cas frowned and set down his half eaten sandwich.

"So, how's uh, everything?" Sam asked, sitting across from him.

"My child I'd developing well. I can sense that it is almost ready to find its own vessel."

"Really? That's fast!"

Cas nodded, and felt a stab of anxiety. "I think it is because unlike humans, my child is energy."

"That's why you're not-" he held his hand out a few inches from his stomach.

"Correct."

"Have you picked out a name?"

"No. Should I?"

"Cas, you're the father. It's your job."

The anxiety grew. He hadn't really thought about being a father. What it really meant.

Without a word of goodbye to Sam, he quietly left the kitchen, weighed down by responsibility.

Castiel staggered into the hall from the library and slowly made his way into the dormitory. His vessel's skin was covered in a light layer of sweat, which concerned him. He never sweat. Inside, his child moved around restlessly.

"Calm yourself, Peace," he said, using the name he had chosen for his child. "Soon."

Peace settled down, but he could feel the impatience.

Knocking on Dean's door, he waited. A few moments later a sleepy and irritated looking Dean answered.

"I need help," he said, desperate. He knew that Dean was angry with him, but he had nobody else to turn to.

Instantly alert, Dean took a step into the hall. "What's wrong?"

"I must go and find Peace's vessel."

"Who?"

"My child!" he exclaimed as Peace grew restless again.

Dean's eyes widened as he caught on. Storming out down the hall and around a corner, he pounded on Sam's door. "Sammy! We got Angel Labor!"

Sam's door flew open and he blinked at Cas and Dean. "What? Oh uh, what do we do?"

"Drive," Castiel answered.

Cas sat in the backseat and didn't speak except to direct the Winchesters in which direction to drive. Dean kept glancing back at him in the rear view mirror.

"I swear, Cas, if you get birth crap all over my Baby..."

"There is no birth...crap," Cas replied, angry. "I am an angel."

"Oh, that's apparent."

"Turn left," he replied, directed by his child's natural instinct.

A half hour later he could feel that they were close, and he felt a sense of panic grow.

"I do not think that I can do this," he said suddenly.

"What?" Dean blurted, while Sam twisted in the passenger seat.

"Cas, what's wrong?" Sam asked.

"I do not think... " he didn't know how to continue. "This is wrong."

"Ya think? Little late now though," Dean replied.

"Dean..." Sam turned his attention back to Cas. "You're going to be a great Dad."

"How can I? I'm cut off from my own kind," he said. Inside, his child sensed his distress and he felt a warm, comforting glow. "How can I teach how to properly be an angel if there are no other angels around?"

"You ever think maybe that's a good thing?" Dean replied. "Other angels are dicks. You can teach him the right way to do it without worrying about him being tainted."

"You think I know the right way?" Cas asked.

Dean didn't reply, but Sam nodded.

Feeling comforted, he directed them to the local hospital.

Fake identification granted them access to the Intensive Care Unit. There, he allowed his child to direct them to a room. Inside, he found a young woman badly bruised and hooked up to many machines and monitors.

"Okay, now what?" Dean asked, pulling the curtain to block the door.

Castiel approached the bed and felt his child's excitement. Still scared, terrified, actually, he placed his hand on the woman's forehead. She had much internal damage, but he was able to heal it.

"Cover your eyes," he told the Winchesters. No human except the true vessel could see an angel's true form.

When they were safely shielded, he opened his mouth and directed Peace to leave his vessel. Bright, pure white light spilled out as his child left. He heard a gasp and then a "yes," as Peace was accepted by her true vessel.

Castiel slumped into the nearby chair, exhausted and experiencing a profound sense of emptiness.

"Woah," Dean said, and Castiel saw the young woman was now sitting up, pulling out the tubes.

"Hello," Cas greeted in Enochian.

"Hello. Father?" Peace replied in the same language, her expression both puzzlement and wonder.

Castiel smiled back. "Yes. I am your Father."


End file.
